Victory At Lacks!

Three days ago I got down off of Mt. Adams. Almost lost my life. I made it to the summit, but too late in the day, and after all of the time I took beta testing my internal rig for weeks, one switch was left off by accident and as a result my song was not recorded.

I've had three days to rest and now I'm heading right back up there to do it again and do it properly. As properly as possible.

Will write a more detailed report later. Have to take advantage of this decent weather.

Best,

Dean

P.S. Crazy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qw07qaALFKs

Visiting Mr. Adams

I'm actually leaving for Mt. Adams today. Had to finish lots of pending sound checks and monologue writing for the top. It's really not just a music project, it's a movie, filled with philosophy and etc.

I just wanted to post this up in case people start getting worried because they haven't heard from me since my last entry.

Haven't checked any kind of email or inboxes online since my last posting because I couldn't afford to spend time on anything but getting ready and getting on the mountain. I'm ready now.

I've accounted for, and rehearsed everything, with the exception of some of the music I will make at the top. I want to leave a lot of it open to spontaneous interpretation, but to be honest, I'm really nervous about that. I hope my knack for the software and my musical skills are up to par when I arrive at the summit. I would hate to come all that way just to sound mediocre. This feels similar to how some musical performances have felt before hitting the stage. I don't like to rehearse too much, but it should be enough to where I feel confident that very little can go wrong. But still, ultimately it will be cool, and I'll try to have as much fun as I can relishing the moment.

Also, I suppose now is the time to mention this, even though I don't really feel like doing that. But: ever since this project started, there has been a fair amount of unsatisfactory attitudes towards it. These attitudes have ranged from people who complain about me not taking life seriously enough, to people thinking of this project as "no big deal," thus hardly responding at all to it at all. Most of the people who complained that "I wasn't taking life seriously enough," actually ended up being very helpful towards the project in other ways, so I would venture to say that it's the other attitude I find bothersome---people who don't really care at all.

To be honest, I, myself, don't really know how valuable this project will end up being, or how much appeal it will have to the world. What I do know, aside from how hard it is to achieve, is that it's something that's never been done before, both creatively and practically. Perhaps people may realize this after they see the footage. Or perhaps not. Perhaps it will take many years before people can see the value of what I'm doing. If this is true, then I suppose I'm prepared for that. I'm definitely no stranger to that feeling thus far in life.

So, this concludes my quick entry. ;) For some reason I felt like now was the time to write about that, as apposed to how much stranger it might sound after I got back. ;)

See you at the top,

Dean

The Summit Pondering Project

OPENING:

I just recently found a minute to read back my last two entries on here.

Firstly, I would like to reassure any friends whom I spent time with this year that I was not speaking poorly of you, or complaining about hanging out with you. I was only complaining about my own imperfect ability to prioritize and be firm. I never meant to be ambiguous about that, if it seemed so. And I'm not being too hard on myself either. I suppose I have enough friends out there that some of you will simply bleed through the cracks at the most inopportune times. (Wow... that sounded weird... but I like it.)

Secondly, I just want

to state, for the "overall" record, that I'm fine and having a

good time. :) What I really mean is, I've seen destitution in corners of the world that are far too dark for me to ever forget that I'm thriving and toiling in paradise. When you've seen a lot of the world outside of US borders, the words "God Bless America" take on a new meaning, one with far more substance than blind, fundamentalist, American patriots will ever have. I am happy just by being a member of this society. Anything I do here is worlds easier to accomplish than in most other countries. Sorry if anyone disagrees. That view is based on my experience. Handle it. ;)

(But that should be the extent of my own patriotism for the year.)

That said/established, I'd also like to reserve the right to address "the challenges of paradise." Sure, I'm thriving and toiling here, but sometimes I would like to talk about the toiling part. It helps me to figure things out, "things" being the rather large details of my goals. In short: if I seem like I'm complaining a lot on this blog, I am. ;) But that doesn't mean I'm not generally happy in life also. I am.

Something else in regards to reading back my other entries on here: yeah sure, they are cute, but I still have the other eye open. Namely, I know I'm a great writer, but you would never be able to tell by reading this blog. When it comes to any craft that is compositional, aside from a very personal and specific form of jazz that I participate in, I simply cannot work fast.

Writing is my third (maybe fourth) talent, so I'm not so quick at it that I can scribble a bunch of crap about my travels and within days have it published as the most profound travel log of all time like the Kerouacs of the world do (save how I might be able to do even better than some of them if I did have the time). But it takes me a while to create something brilliant, no matter how small or short the work is.

The main reason I'm bringing this up is to briefly express how I would love enough time to craft these entries into bouts of acute and profound literature, but at this point that may happen very rarely, at least on this project. From now on, I must try to keep these entries either short, and/or unedited, and/or long with combined time zones (like this one) if I am to spend most of my efforts trying to make the project(s) at hand succeed. The fluidity and lyricism of my text on here will sway according to how much time I have allotted to each entry. As a gage, you will be able to tell how busy I am at any given moment according to that.

MY ENTRY:

For this entry I will try to, again, keep things chronological. And as usual, it will be filled with a peculiar mix of joy and failure. An important note about the failure: I picked the worst possible

Summer for The Summit Music Project, considering that this year has been breaking records for precipitation around the country.

How Robert is truly Rich:

My/our stay with Robert Rich was as nourishing as always.

Lisa met him for the first time and, just as anyone I've ever introduced him to, she loved him. It's rare of me to give irrational amounts of praise to one of my mentors, whether they are a friend or other, but at this point Robert is a bit overdue from me. As little as I've seen him through the years, he has remained a dear friend, extending gestures of friendship that would be rare even for certain members of my family.

Aside from the musical and professional assistance he's been known to offer me, in a variety of ways, he was even one of my shoulders to cry on during a massively difficult breakup I went through 10 years ago.

The odd thing is, he never really shows much indication that he actually remembers any of that. He only seems to remember that he is my friend.

But Robert is one of the more interesting people I know, possessing a constant flow of serenity, clarity, sociability, grace, constitution, insight, confidence, talent, worldly knowledge and certain forms of deep understanding that all manifest into his daily actions and gestures. Such is the music and living environment that he summons. For this reason, I never really mind much when it becomes mostly about him while in his presence. That's okay for me. There is something delicate, articulate and different about his passion. It's educational in a way that suggests something greater than the knowledge being emitted. For years now, I have even likened my visits with him to something the equivalent of a short-term visit to Eastern-religion Monasteries. It does something for my sense of "how well a person can live and drift in constant, quiet reverence of 'the mystery'." His is one of a few types of living environments that I've often gravitated to in my own life, so I consider friends like Robert replenishing to that specific practice.

When I think about how long I've known Robert personally, I think of how he may have influenced me in positive ways that I can't quite manage to take inventory of yet. Where most celebrity musicians I've known and/or worked with take on a general public attitude of "What do you want from me?" or "What can you do for me?" Robert takes on the attitude of "What can I do for you?" Perhaps this sentiment is engendered by echoes of his preference to Sufism over other dogmatic schools of thought and feeling, but I tend to think it's more of a human-nature call than that.

And I feel very lucky to have known Robert as a friend, while at the same time, it is a positive indication that my artistry is not too alien for this world, considering how many years he seems to have respected it. Regardless of his giving nature, Robert still holds standards about people deep down, just like the best of us. If he respects you highly, as a colleague or other, you will know him. I try to prioritize my life with those same standards, but perhaps I'm just not quite as good at it. ;)

Aside from his qualities as a person, Robert's qualities and standards for refinement as an artist need no introduction--which is an important part of what I'm leading up to. He is one of the key figures in the development of the entire "ambient music movement," and yet sometimes it becomes easy to forget that I was a fan long before I was a friend.

Don't get me wrong, I have my criticisms about Robert, too (as few as they are), him being a member of the human race and all, but I only mention that to give you a sense of my grasp on reality while praising him. And besides, perhaps I will save that kind of contrasting flesh for a biography of some sort someday? ;) Not sure if I will ever end up the most qualified for that job, or the most available, but it's a nice thought. Honestly, I guess I could go on and on about Robert, which I'm obviously starting to do right now. With that in mind, perhaps I will actually write something lengthy about him at a later time, but for now I will stick to the main topic of this blog.

We spent a total of two nights at Robert's house, which was pushing our schedule to meet the team at Mt. Rainier, but was something I saw as a powerful priority. I hadn't seen Robert in years, we had never collaborated before, and now I had plans to incorporate him into my project. More on that in a minute...

Among other worldly pursuits, Robert is also a fine-food and libation connoisseur, thus, to stay with him is to be somewhat engulfed in that love. He also makes his own award winning wines, rendering visits to the cellar, and constant

tasting, an irresistible pattern at the Rich household. It turned out that this brief lifestyle shift

actually did seem to take a small toll on our game, and our fitness for Rainier.

We spent our one full day with Robert catching up, and recording him playing his gliss guitar. The plan: later, when I get to the top of Mt. Hood with my laptop, I will import his gliss guitar track into Logic Pro and then proceed to build an entire song around it using the many synthesizers that come with that same program. It's basically our first time collaborating, and I guess we're using Logic Pro to do it.

The next morning we left Robert's home, in the Silicon Valley area, and made a straight shot for Portland within a day's time. I set up my speakers on the dash and during the entire drive I practiced my A Cambient music delivery (A Cambient is a form of ambient music performed a-cappella with a single voice) using Ableton and a mic while Lisa drove; that way I would be musically prepared for the top of Mt. Rainier. It was kind of humorous, like giving Lisa a live concert while she drove through the state of Oregon. And the practice didn't sound too horrible (I recorded it) but I was still fairly unprepared by the time we arrived. The drive went in a flash.

NIGEL'S HOUSE:

We arrived that night at my friend Nigel's house. In the small-yet-beautiful, countryside town of Mosier, off the Columbia River Gorge, Nigel lives with his wife Ruth and two boys, Liam and Rory. Their house is gorgeous, and they, too, have an Earthly appetite for the good things in life. Lisa took to them instantly,

but our first night here was spent only to pick up some equipment

we had shipped, talk to Nigel about the climbing ropes,

and situate our gear for the Rainier attempt. The next morning, we headed out for Mt. Rainier, already a day late for the climb and now hours late for the designated training day.

To be honest, I'm not sure how much detail I'm ready to

share about our Rainier attempt, because it happened to end up

one of the most humiliating experiences of my life, and I've had a lot of those. I will probably write about it with more

detail later, but lately I've been thinking about the possible consequences I might pay for continuing to be so honest on this blog, and therefor constantly make myself look bad. ;)

Until I get some real victories under my belt, I'm going to need all of the help and support I can get from you all, so going into

detail about my mistakes and failures seems counter to that idea after a while.

But I will describe this much:

A storm rolled in and covered the entire Mt. Rainier during the last day that our team had available to climb it. No team made it to the top that day, so it was obviously mostly the mountain's fault. ;) We didn't have a chance. But aside from that, we probably would not have made it to the top anyway, due to a few prep miscalculations I made. Our team was made up of three other members: James, Art and Emma. They were in their early 20s and were some of the nicest and most mature people I've ever interacted with. Unlike me, they were totally ready for the mountain, and of course this makes me feel horrible.

I made my apology clear to them, but that's never enough when

you've inconvenienced someone to that extent. Regardless, somehow the three of them were extremely big about the whole thing. There was very little anger from them and they were extremely helpful to Lisa and I while on the mountain. I would have really liked to be their friend off the mountain, but after what happened, that just doesn't seem practical.

But before I make this sound like I'm getting too down on myself for not being prepared enough again, let me continue with a few more facts. Mt. Rainier is the most massive mountain in the lower forty eight states; so serious a climb is it considered that some people make it their last training stop before the Himalayas. I attempted it last Summer with a guided team, but was stopped at Camp Muir due to altitude sickness and exhaustion. On top of my preparation mistakes, this year is reported to have record precipitation all over the continent. It was actually snowing on Rainier when we were there last week. This is very rare weather for Summertime, even here in the Pacific Northwest. I really have chosen the worst possible Summer to be here attempting these summits. Perhaps I sensed this, deep down, when I let myself get distracted over the last few months, but no matter. It is what it is.

Our day was a beautiful climb, complete with cloudbursts everywhere, and majestic moments, and group glissades downhill that were fun-as-hell! ;) Points given.

Also, as usual, somehow I have absolutely no intention of giving Rainier up. I'll get there.

Thus... meanwhile, back at the ranch: after Lisa and I returned from Rainier, we had a few good days to spend with Nigel and his family. They are another great household, but in a different way, personifying everything harmonious and highly functional in the best of American family life. Nigel is a doctor in a Portland emergency ward, and Ruth is a glass-and-tile mosiac artist. I met Nigel a year ago, through another close friend of mine, Fred B. Jones. I met Fred at a hostile/hotel in London, 2003. Since then, he has become a good friend and, possibly even more important to me, has been an extremely appreciative fan.

Because Fred recently went from world traveller to family man, he couldn't join me for any stretch of this project last year, so he told Nigel about me instead. Nigel immediately expressed interest in The Summit Music Project, and since then has become an extremely helpful friend. Nigel has an extremely generous nature, and living off the Columbia Gorge for so many years, has become somewhat of an authority on recreational sports in the region. Plus Nigel is situated smack dab in the middle of both Mt. Hood and Mt. Adams. Both he and his family came along at just the right moment.

Oddly enough, this year Fred and his family came to visit Nigel the same week Lisa and I were here, so we all hung out for a little while. :) It was a trip (pun intended) seeing everyone together. I had quite a few profound moments inside myself, deeply in my consciousness, while spending time with everyone here. And of course, I think they really liked Lisa.

Fred and his family left the other day and earlier in the week I dropped Lisa off at the Portland bus station to grab a bus back to LA in time for work. After that, I stayed in Portland a little while longer to train in the Skyline hills west of downtown (love that town) and look for equipment. Also, driving back and forth between Portland and Hood River and Mosier, because of hard drive buying issues, has not helped either.

But yes, basically, I am alone on this trip/endeavor again. Aside

from the fact that I miss Lisa, I can't help but assume that it may actually help me to focus better without her around. Make no mistake, Lisa has been so helpful to me that there would literally be no project without her, but now that

she's done such good for the project, the ball is basically in my

court. This task will require a strange kind of focus in order to do it successfully and safely.

And I've been training again, but staying in Mosier or any town in-and-around Portland is even more libation-tempting than Robert's house. This part of the state is practically the beer and wine capitol of the country, so that seems to bleed through the cracks, too. ;) But just a little. And my God the reds and IPAs are amazing here! If you've never been here, you should come by and see what mean. Wrong place to come to if you're on a strict diet.

But the real training will be the mountains themselves, and suddenly after days of overcast we seem to have another open weather window. It's actually kind of like a heat wave all of the sudden. Although I'm not fully prepared creatively, I'll have to just wing it and make my Mt. Adams attempt soon. Shouldn't be too bad ("he says"). I'm hoping to leave late tomorrow, but we'll see. If I have to depart early the next morning, then so be it. I have a plan that may help a lot if the storms roll back in again. (More on that below.)

I've had constant issues with the hard drives I'm buying to back up my previous files, which entails driving back and forth between towns for refunds. On top of that, I'm still doing work (although very little now) to launch my label before the Summer is over, and I'm scraping the very bottom of my project budget. The nice house I'm staying in helps, but I need to make this all work with my last few hundred dollars before the next small ASCAP check in mid August. ??? But I'll figure something out.

Nigel and his family just left for Canada today, leaving me alone here in both houses. Before that starts sounding weird and lonely, first off, it's nice to be able to yell things here that I wouldn't yell in front of anyone else, ;) and it's also helping me to focus on my practice for the mountain. I plan on performing 5 songs on each summit: two a-cambient improvisations, one pre-composed a-cambient piece, one a-cambient cover tune, and one improvised electronic synth piece. That should do it. ;) I've gone through lots of different configurations for the track list at the top, but I think that is it. And yes, I must practice them while still on the ground, and still in a quiet environment. The last thing I need at the top is to sound bad, or have to suddenly tweak things more. God knows what the weather will be like up there and/or how much time I will have.

A friend of mine back in LA didn't seem to understand this when I was explaining it to him. He wanted to think of me as simply arriving, whipping out my axe after not having prepared at all, and then letting 'er rip out of nowhere. In the type of environment that exists up there, I can pretty much guarantee that if I was lucky enough to get my software working, I would then sound absolutely horrible. I'm not going through all of this craziness for that. And besides, all I'm doing ahead of time, aside from the composed stuff, is setting up the audio. Outside of that, the music will be totally wing-it-style and in the moment, with the addition that it will actually sound good. My friend will probably get the picture after he sees the footage, or hears more perilous stories yet to come. This is kind of dangerous stuff, baby.

Also, if all goes according to planned (;) I may not be here at the house much myself either. My plan now, for Mt. Hood and Mt. Adams, is to live at the base camp elevations (Lunch Counter for Adams, Hogsback for Hood) until I get to the top of each. The trick is to get to each summit without a storm obstructing it, so it may require this exact waiting tactic. I must try to force my way up there now, and this is the only way I can think to do that. I will probably hike back into town for supplies on days that are too stormy for attempts, and then back to camp before each night. It's Summer, so I shouldn't have to worry about massive Arctic swirls coming in.

And even though that elevation is a little bit exposed, and winds are really thrashing around outside right now, luckily, all of the traveling and climbing I've been doing over the last two years has made me a lot more resistant to the cold, so it may not be too bad living at that elevation. We'll see.

But yeah, after everything that's happened, I get the feeling I will have to do some drastic things in order to break my chain of failures and all of the mental hand-holding that's been going on. Something needs to happen, and the last time I looked, it wasn't anyone else's job.

Nigel told me he would be happy if I even just climbed an ant hill for now. Maybe I'll try that if I don't make Adams. ;) Anything will do I guess.

See you at the top.

Dean

P.S. No black berries are growing here yet but the cherries are totally exploding and awesome. I'm almost sick of them. Almost.

On Our Way

Caught up and did some beautiful work with Robert Rich in regards to this project. He recorded himself playing gliss guitar for me to, at a later time, bring to the summit of Mt. Hood and create a piece with up there. Looking forward to that.

Meantime, a bucket of nerves and stress mixed with a hint of depression makes a juicy coctaile--ours. We are out the door right this very second to meet our team at the Paradise Trail Head, at the base of Mt. Rainier. At this point, with my lack of experience, and the fact that I'm the team leader, it is likely we will not make the summit, or even close. But we are ready to try--and we will.

See you at the bottom! (Whether or not we ever leave there!)

Dean

Leaving Again for SMP: "A Year Has Passed Since I Wrote My Note"

THE SUMMIT MUSIC PROJECT 2011

Hello everyone,

It is now July 8th, 2011, and I am already/suddenly scheduled to depart again for Washington today (July 10th), in another attempt to summit the Cascades. Before I deem that the only moral to this story though, I would like to express my regret in not keeping this blog updated throughout the past year. You see, I've had many ups-and-downs, and as goes the nature of anything extravagant that one may find themselves trying to accomplish in life, there have been far more downs. Still, we all know how in fashion that is for me, considering how Murphy's Law seems to come extra crispy for Dean's life pursuits. So, I decided to plow forward as much as possible rather than sit and dwell, publicly, for long periods of time. In hindsight, perhaps that wasn't the best idea either, considering how many negative aspects I'm left to recall now in one shot. ;)

Now that the trip has arrived, it will be crucial that I keep each one of these blog entries short if I am going to succeed with the project--but this entry will be excluded from that rule. I have a lot of catching up to do here. Also, the only way to really update you (this blog) on what has happened up to now is to basically vent a lot of frustration, due to the negative nature of my present circumstance, but I don't want any readers to take this the wrong way. I'm not writing about all of this because I'm being apocalyptic, I'm just updated you on what is happening, internally and externally, in the most honest way that I can. And again, I'm not keeping this journal to entertain, nearly as much as I'm keeping it as a record. This is a project, not a pretty travel log. ;)

But if you really can't stand my negative musings, just skip past it to the bottom where I briefly touch on the positive aspects of my coming voyage.

So basically, the last time I was getting ready to write an entry on here, I had just finished living a mini lifetime, staying with a Navajo family for six weeks during the Best Of Both Worlds Project in October-November, 2010. So much happened during that six week period that I'm sure I subconsciously sabotaged myself from writing about it because of how ominous and/or difficult a task it might be to express successfully. A lot happened, and it was quite miraculous actually--but that's definitely not the full story.

I WILL write about it with more detail and give it it's own entry as soon as I'm done with my Summer objectives in the immediate. In a nutshell, regarding the Navajo project: Don (the native flute player) and I went through hell and heaven during my visit, trying to successfully complete our project together. We went through serious danger and hardship, and through it all we managed to succeed--only to have all of our efforts destroyed at the end of my stay when someone broke into my car and happened to steel the one bag that held all of our footage.

We were all devastated. Practically a whole community of us. But as that very community is learning about me, these types of events are never an invitation for me to give up. I'm a stubborn bastard for good ideas. That may even be my undoing someday.

So, as it stands, I will be going back next Spring to do it all again with them, this time for a far more compressed period, considering that it will be a part of my bigger continued adventure, Travels Rendered. TR was another thing I had to put off this year, because it would have gotten in the way of my prep for the Cascades this Summer. So I will now be driving all over the Southwest one more time next year for TR, making music in both strange and familiar places, thus it's important that I try to finish the Washington cascades this Summer to make room.

(TO THE ORDER AT HAND - THE S.M.P. 2011)

Thus, I've been prepping for this stupendous task, The Summit Music Project 2011, where I will attempt to summit Mt. Hood, Rainier, Shasta, Adams, and St. Helens and make live ambient music at the top. The only problem is, my worst character flaws have gotten in the way of this, again, and as a result I am not NEARLY as prepared as I should be. I just can't seem to outrun my knack for distraction. Not only is this scary, but I'm starting to experience the same self-loathing I began feeling last year after realizing that I hadn't put enough effort into my prep for those summit attempts. I mean, this is getting ridiculous; I've had a whole year to prepare, and I'm looking at myself right now and shaking my head. I am physically ready, but there is still tons of creative and organizational work to be done, and now with only days left to do it. Impossible. I simply can't do within a couple of days what would usually take at least a couple of months to do. I simply can't.

Still, I don't want to get too down on myself about it, considering how many factors occurred over the last year that were out of my control. After the theft of my drives last Fall, I returned to LA only to experience a hard drive crash with my backup drive here at home. Having now completely lost two years of work (and adventure), I took measures to recover that data, which required time and money. Then, when the new year rolled around, I hooked up with friends and colleagues whom I would usually work with, not realizing that taking even one of the remaining 5 months I had was going to be detrimental. I even spent a considerable amount of time setting up a music tour for Vic Hennegan and I, which I thought would take much less time than it did.

Plus, the long-awaited relaunch of my record label, Fateless Music was more eminent than ever before after acquiring two new artists who were friends of mine that I respect artistically.

The pressure was on for me to finish the relaunch, so I floored the gas in trying to get our celebratory Fateless Compilation CD ready; unfortunately, most of the artists I had found for this compilation didn't place quite as much importance on it, and I was forced to have to create the extra music that was missing after most of them backed out without a word. Considering what a perfectionist I am, the time it took me to make that music was also detrimental to the project.

Next on the list was some added pressure of a long personal/family-drama issue I was having.  That didn't help with time much either.

And to cap it all off, my laptop hard drive finally died a few months ago, completely (which I had been previously unaware was a common and acceptable occurrence in the world), and with it, some of the music I was working on and all of the software I was dependent on for music and video production. Some of that crucial software I had bought, but the rest was mostly stuff that I got from friends, legally, with the exception of a few cracks.

It was disaster, and to make matters worse, Macintosh took four times longer than they were supposed to because every time I got the laptop back from them something else would be wrong with it that wasn't wrong before. Six some-odd weeks later the WHOLE laptop was fixed, but now I had to deal with replacing the software. That took easily another month to do because of the red tape of having to re-apply for the serial numbers to my previously owned programs, and having to transfer ownership of my newly-bought-used programs. Now I'm finally set up again with Logic, Reactor, Ableton, Modul8 and SnapzProX, but just in time to leave. NOT good. I've had hardly ANY time to set this stuff up for the trip, and now here I go.

It really ticks me because here I am, a single individual who's expected to be punctual about all things important to him, and because a few huge, reputable, corporate entities whom I depend on can't be punctual with me, I'm being screwed up and made to look bad in the process. And the worst part about that is how I seem to look even worse just talking about this... because, who the Hell am I to talk like this about huge corporate icons that we all worship and rely on?

Regardless of said external frustration, I still can't deny that the biggest obstacle I've failed to overcome here, is me; this has been for the age-old reason that I just can't seem to cure myself of the disease of having an inability to prioritize.

I mean sure, hanging out with people who don't really care about these projects doesn't help, and neither does all the corporate indifference I experienced, but the bottom line is that I let myself get distracted--again. It's like a nightmare I can't wake up from. And these mountains are way too hardcore and unsafe for me to be risking my life just to do something ill-prepared at the top. That's just absolutely friggin' preposterous! But if I fail again this year, I will have to try again next year and go through the whole thing again. At this rate, I won't be able to have my life back until years from now. The thought really s-cks! I will be uprooted, in transit, and practically transient, way past my genuine inspiration for the whole thing. Yay! ;) But whatever... that's cool...

And that said... THE POSITIVES:

All doom and gloom aside, I'm still looking forward to a Pacific-Northwest Summer spent with friends and mountains and forested places and new faces and musical expressions of it all. It will be filled with color, and both new feelings and old memories will be summoned in the process. So Hallelujah on that!

My first stop will be to visit a good friend and known musician, Robert Rich.  Lisa and I will stay with him one night and then off we go to the PNW.  I've actually even figured out a way to incorporate Robert into the project as a music collaborator.  It should prove interesting, if it works.

Lisa and I will do Mt. Rainier first, in less then a week. I've assembled a team of 5 for this, and Lisa will be one of the members. That does worry me a little. We'll be roped up and everything, because of how hardcore a mountain this is. It's the biggest, most dangerous and most glaciated mountain in the lower 48 states. But considering how compressed all the prep got got, we ran out of too much time to be able to do any other mountains first. We now have one day to train before our Rainier summit attempt starts on the 15th. Ouch. We will take 3 days to summit, and I have an acclimation tactic that should guarantee us a successful attempt, if nothing else gets in the way. The bottom line is, if I sense any unusual danger, which is apparently typical on Rainier, I will turn us back.

But if we make it to the top, and I create music successfully up there, this will be a REALLY BIG DEAL. It will be a true lifetime triumph, the likes of which few have ever experienced, even those who summit often. We are attempting the biggest achievement first, so wish us luck!!!

I'll let you know as soon as we are back at base level, which should be on-or-around July 19th.

Until then! Thanks everyone!

All the best,

Dean

P.S. Oh, and I forgot to mention: a few days ago I did my last training by climbing Mt. Baldy again and trying to make some beta-testing music at the top.  The mountain was beautifully awesome, but the music I made came out horribly, just like the first time I was there.  This shows me how much time I still have to make for sound tweaking and set-up prior to arriving at Rainier in 5 days.  Not only that, but while I was there I decided to make my training more rigorous by following an aesthetically pleasing stream most of the way up to the summit; as a result, I twisted my ankle, badly, and then on the way back down I twisted it two more times.  It is now something short of sprained, and I hope it will heel considerably in 5 days.  I'll keep the hot and cold presses coming.

A Couple Of Links To Tide You Over

Below is the link to our new official site/page for The Best Of Both Worlds project--a new project I'm doing with Navajo flute player D'Von Charley, which I consider a subsequent project to Travels Rendered.  Here is the page:

https://sites.google.com/site/thebestofbothworldsproject/

And here is the direct link to the article they wrote about this project (The Best Of Both Worlds Project) in the Navajo Times.  It was a very accurate and honoring feature, and got front page of the Arts & Entertainment section.

http://www.navajotimes.com/entertainment/2010/1210/120910music.php

I'm nearing the end of this trip, and it's been a long and difficult project, so I will update the blog with a new entry very soon, explaining more.

All Will Be Revealed

THE SUMMIT MUSIC PROJECT - 2010

(My Glorious Failure and Other Uplifting Tales)

Note to the reader who cares (and the ones who don't):

I have always been the type of artist who lives, eats, drinks, and sleeps my work. There is a semi-permeable membrane between my personal and professional life. So, for this blog entry, and a few others, you will find not only information on this project, but also the personal topics that affected it.

My apologies for such a long void between now and my last entry.

When last I left off, I told you I was about to attempt Mt. Adams;

some of you may have even thought that I died up there or whatnot---understandable. I suppose the rest of you actually

know me even better than I do, but don't assume that that makes

me the Boy Who Cried Wolf or anything. ;) I "Never Cry Wolf"

unless I really think one is there, and an accident may still occur

on one of these mountains/excursions, sooner or later, minus the

ability to cry at all; just being a realist in light of the risk these climbs entail, but no worries. ;)

Also, I think it's important that I make you aware of something else before I continue on with what is, essentially, a story

about utter - yet temporary - failure. There are very good reasons

for everything that has happened, and not happened, thus far.

The thing is, I'm doing both of these projects to constitute two motion picture films that I plan on producing in the not-too-distant future. I once thought, "there's no better subject matter a

person could possibly be a better authority on than something they themselves are doing." "Yes, Dean." I answered myself back, "I like that. F-ck it. Let's do it!"

Thus, as the plan goes...

Travels Rendered will be my first film, which is a documentary about my musical travels through the American West and elsewhere. This will be fairly easy to produce, I just have to travel a little more. But (film title TBA), which I just returned from after attempting to summit the Cascade mountain range, will be the next film, and will involve a lot more than just a music based documentary.

Other than being the result of a variety of film techniques, it will also be ladened with what seem to be exclusively conceived

philosophies that I've never expressed in any public fashion---considering how I've never been much of a soap-box guy (and whether or not they've actually been previously conceived by countless others without my knowing it). At this point, I will be using the mountains to "elevate" my philosophies, or maybe just my confidence for sharing them. Either way, it is more work than

one can imagine, and considering how many failed attempts I have behind me now, I may actually skip making the Travels

Rendered documentary so I can focus on the bigger film and the greater triumph. Also, continuing to run a label and release music as a recording artist, which I have every intention of doing until the day I die, will be tricky enough to juggle with just one lofty ambition.

So, the reason that The Summit Music Project has been so difficult to achieve, thus far, is because I'm not just hiking up a few mountains to make music at the top and film it, I'm trying to summit four major U.S. volcanos in order to film a very complex motion picture---all by my lonesome. It's a near impossible task when one considers:

The music -- on-location inspiration for ideas, and sound checks at the base camp of

each mountain so that music fidelity in the middle of freezing wind at the summit is not too atrocious.

The script -- on-location inspiration to write down the proper wording so that any common

threads I'm tying between scientific/historical facts about the mountain and my own

philosophies, while on the mountain, are clearly expressed and understood.

The filming -- taking time and care enough to film the best moments possible, at the best angles, every step of the way.

The equipment -- all of the survival equipment needed in high-altitude ranges, and all of the properly charged music, video and audio equipment nessessary for making this film, down to the last detail.

With all of this in mind, it's no wonder I've had so many difficulties with the project.

However, realizing this fact has taken me from feeling totally depressed about my failures, to

being totally understanding and even patting myself on the back for the magnitude of what I'm trying to accomplish. Plus, I've gotten so good at doing all of this now, that I'm %100 confident I will have %100 success with the Summit Music Project

next year, whether or not I actually do. Even so, I'll be in

Washington for the entire summer to make sure it happens.

Like everyone else, friends have come and gone in my life, so through the years I managed to maintain only one good friend in the Seattle/Tacoma area. Luckily, on this last trip, I made a couple of future friends, so staying with more than just one won't be as much of an issue throughout the season next year.

Regarding this entry:

The photos and text I'm posting on here are a chronology of everything that happened from the point of my trip where I last posted up until now. Also, I take both you and this blog seriously

enough that I'm not going to lie to you or provide you with all-American-courtesy small talk.

There may actually be some readers (or friends) out there who think that this blog is a "feel-good" blog, or something for self help, but I can't even express how wrong that is. I keep this blog solely for the purpose of sharing and archiving my

honest experiences with these two projects, and anything that ties to them. I will write about anything that I think creates the story I want to tell, or that keeps a record I want to keep. I think I may have actually lost a couple of friends recently because we finally had it out after I realized that all they ever seemed to want to hear from me, regarding my life, was a bunch of one-sided, blind optimism, even when it came to blogs like this. That's not what I'm about, and never

have been. It's about the whole picture for me, the whole experience.

And perhaps it was an even deeper dilemma than that, considering how, unfortunately,

lack of patience with the issues of one's fellow American does seem to be what this culture is about, among other modern hang ups/evasions. So, as you all know in your varying ways, it's

not always easy living in America. And, if you happen to be experiencing the same exact annoyances as I am here - e.g. people's inability to value sincerity and emotion in other beings unless it has something to do with cruel and/or stupid humor - then call me. We should get together and go bowling. I'll probably throw all strikes with that kind of inspiration.

Before even heading out on the road for this trip, I had been contacted by my aunt, on my father's side. She owns the house where I keep my studio and have lived with my west-coast cousin, being my aunt's daughter, for the past 10 years. My aunt gave me a month-long deadline to move out because she knew I had recently found another place to live/work, and because I have not always payed my rent on time. I had made my own bed, but man, right now sure was an inconvenient time to have to lie in it. I was in the middle of taking on a huge goal, and the pressure to move was adding another 100 pounds to the weight of my pack. And mega-bless Lisa's heart for helping out with that as much as she did, and for her undying support.

Mt. Hood:

So, as you may have read on my last entry, after my Mt. Rainier attempt, I 'chillaxed' with my old friend Dave Israel and his family in Tacoma, and worked on my Rainier report/entry a little too long before heading out to Mt. Hood for an attempt there.

Basically, I didn't succeed on Mt. Rainier because the team was climbing too fast for

me and my weight; but I didn't succeed on Mt. Hood because I'm such a space cadet sometimes that a storm I had been hearing about rolled in sooner than I thought it would (as well as some rock fall risks I didn't consider). The risk on a mountain like that is just too great. Literally, the day before I arrived there, the authorities found two dead bodies that had been on Hood's glaciers for months. That kind of thing happens there often.

I was already clear on my narrative for this mountain, so I could've left early enough in the morning to beat the coming storm---if I hadn't still needed to come up with my music idea for the summit, as well as sound check it. Dowww!!!! Damn paces! I rushed anyway, hoping it would make a difference. After my late start, I hiked into the grey on Mt. Hood and soon turned back, having gotten a decent work out; this was good enough for me, regardless of the overall disappointment.

It's always good to have my life. And as far as my years of stupid-risk taking and near-death experiences go, they're hopefully long gone.

Still, "Next Year" was now becoming my motif on this trip,

without even realizing it.

Mt. Adams:

I worked my way back to Dave's for another spell with the Israel

family. During my visits with him, Dave shared his new-found talent for creating electronic music. I had to admit, I was impressed, so large amounts of my time there were spent

encouraging him and his efforts, balanced with working on my

blog. Soon, the fun ended when I caught another glimpse of a

gloomy and lingering forecast. I rented more ice climbing gear and headed back towards Portland, this time to then go east, deep into the Cascade wilderness, and attempt Mt. Adams.

There was "NO WAY" I was going to "screw this one up," were the famous-last-words in my head. I could swear I had left early

enough to summit this mountain. Adams was supposed to be the easiest Cascade Volcano to climb, and it was just as important to my project as the other peaks

were. Well, that knowledge didn't help me one bit. I got there late in the evening because I had ran out of gas on the way; then, I basically had to write out my script - also inspired by the mountain - thus finally getting to bed at 4am when I was

supposed to be waking up to climb.

And it was the first time narration for a mountain took me that long to write.

The next day, a fellow hiker suggested I use the extra time to see Multnoma Falls - an Oregon landmark - instead of "wasting the day" at the base of Adams. Multnoma was about an hour and a half away. Feeling as cocky with time as I tend to get, I figured I could actually go there to make some music, and still make it back to base camp with time enough to come up with an on-

location musical idea, as well as sound-check it before getting an early night's rest. Friggin' LOL, buddy!!! I don't even think I need to go into detail about how bad a decision that was, but I will say that I made some fairly interesting a-cappella ambient

music at Multnoma Falls---on an extremely crowded bridge.

If you could imagine me making live ambient music while waiting on line for a ride at Disneyland, that's exactly what this was like. It was an extremely unworthy reward for such a great sacrifice, considering that by the time I got back to base camp and finished sound-checking, it was early the next morning again.

Refusing to try climbing a Cascade mountain with little sleep, I slept, and then headed out, mid-day. I met some very cool people on the way up, but exchanging numbers would not help me in this situation. After a long and beautiful climb, ending with altitude sickness at little over

10,000 feet, I realized that it was too late in the day to make it to the top by sundown. On top of that, the storm was suppose to roll in for sure by that evening, bringing a foot of snow to the entire Cascade range. It was a mystical time of day to be up there, but man... not a fun circumstance. So, I pondered what this meant while working my way back to the car at night, and soon got more lost than I've been in a really long

time. I almost spent the night under a tree in the approaching storm, fearing for my life and mumbling to myself for hours. (It's always funny when one survives to laugh about it.) I finally returned to the camp and to my car (Shangri'La), and then the pondering truly began, for days.

Just like the year before it, I had now lost my weather window to climb any of the northern Cascades, by a single day. Just like the year before it, the first storm of snow season rolled in hours before I could make it to the top of anything. I had been in Washington now for almost a month, and didn't even summit a single mountain. Looking at this pattern, I blamed myself, heavily, for not even wanting to succeed in

the first place. All of my past self-loathing were raining on me like the storm itself. But soon, as I stated above, I realized the magnitude of what I've been trying to accomplish, and just how massive an undertaking it truly is.

This was a relieving thing to realize on my own, without having to call Lisa or someone else for moral support. ,'-)~ I'm obviously getting better with that.

I licked my wounds at Dave's again for a few days, and focused on encouraging his music even further by offering to have an ambient

jam session/recording session with him somewhere out in the Washington rainforest.

He eagerly took me up on the offer, and my last day staying with him was spent out in the rainforest, making live ambient music.

Dave and I have known each other for an extremely long time. We were close hiking partners many years ago, and through much of that we even shared similar taste in music during our

ventures. To finally make tranquil music together out in the wilderness was a surreal turning point for the both of us, and we relished it as such. Also, what made this possible was

that Dave's method for making electronic music is kind of a new-found, "portable discovery" that I will talk more about in another entry.

Mt. Shasta:

After leaving Dave's, I stopped in Portland one last time, this time to visit my friend Howard Givens.

After he spent an afternoon spoiling me rotten with Portland ales, I headed east again, this time to visit a friend of a friend who lived in the beautiful, small town of Mosier, outside of Hood River. His name was Nigel: a fascinating man, with a fascinating family, in a fascinating town, and living in a beautiful house. Good times. The moment I arrived in Mosier, at twilight, they

took me to a party that was jollier and funky-er than most of the ones I find in LA---when I'm looking. I stayed with them for two nights in their guest house with a view of the country side, and because Nigel suggested that I record a track there, I did. I used my acoustic guitar. There was a kinship I felt with Nigel and his family, and they were a well-timed decompression.

Upon leaving their house, I decided that hope was not lost for the year. I would drive east and then cut south, through Bend and the scenic rout (seeing some highways I'd never seen, and the Oregon Cascades for the first time), and then cut west past Klamath into the Mt. Shasta area. There, I would make my last summit attempt for the season, having failed on Shasta one year before. It was an epic, open-road drive, including a brilliant twilight, and during which I recorded some epic, on-the-

road, music-collection mixes that sadly corrupted and went bad. (Two of them survived.)

I arrived in Shasta with perfect weather, and the 5-day forecast

called for increasingly sunny skies---now that I was an entire state away from the northern Cascades.

This was the southern

Cascades, totally different. I stopped in town, got together what equipment I needed, and started towards the Shasta trailhead while listening to boatloads of Tangerine Dream for nostalgic inspiration. My sound check, this time, was brief. By now, I was so in shape that I practically flew up what had been a manhood-challenging mountain climb the year before it.

Everything was moving along innocently well, and I even got an early night's rest after concocting a flimsy tent between trees in a wind storm. I awoke at Shasta base camp around 3am and started my ascent towards the top. My first-light climb was smooth, and aside from another lone hiker, there wasn't a single soul on the mountain. Regardless of the desolation, this was proving to be a guaranteed victory. My altitude sickness at 11,000 feet wasn't even bad. I was on top of the world, figuratively; this was the exact occurrence that I needed for my spirits to start rising to the occasion again, and it seemed as though I had it in the bag.

Upon reaching eleven thousand feet, and around 1:30pm, the nightmare began. Somehow, against what the forecast "guaranteed" would be a day of sunny skies, a freezing storm rolled in out of nowhere and covered the entire top half of Mt. Shasta. I kept hiking, hoping it would lift, but two hours and twelve hundred feet later, I realized it wasn't going to. I was submerged in it.

The frustration was unthinkable. I screamed at the sky, as I sometimes do. Then I screamed at the mountain. I managed to get a signal up there and I filmed myself talking to Lisa about this on my cell. All of my respect for the mountain, and every mountain, had gone out the window in one foul swoop.

I got off the phone and filmed an even worse conniption, cursing the mountain as though it were the corporate perpetrator of some broad, social injustice. After starting my long trek back down, I cried, thinking about how close I had gotten to every summit, and how long a year felt now--just to wait for another chance. As it was, I was being evicted from my home of 10 years, who knew what else would happen in a year's time?

Honestly, I still don't know, but whatever. So, after wiping that sh-t off my face, I stopped and took out my laptop to create an extremely quick, loop-based, vocal ambient piece in honor of the storm and the attempt. My disappointment obviously affected my ability to innovate, a little too much. The music was interesting, and kind of heartfelt, but I'm not sure I would play it for anyone. Regardless, as I descended, the beauty of the furious storm clouds entranced me, and won me over after the bitterness I was previously holding on to. It was a beautiful hike.

Kickin' it off in Eureka:

I shook off even more of the disappointment after going back to the town of Shasta to get a good meal and ponder the magnificence of the project. I caught up on some emails

and contacted my friend Eli, an experimental, indie film maker I've known for years, who, with his roommate Robin, was waiting for me to visit him in the town of Eureka, on the coast.

In what was epic storm weather, at a ground level, I set out for Eureka. I even made more great on-the-road mixes---that corrupted again. ,'-( To get there, I had to drive through the Trinity National

Forest, one of the most dense and preserved rain forests in the country, and a region I hadn't visited since I was eleven years old at camp. I hadn't even seen Eureka since then. Guess I figured the surfing couldn't have been that great. Blasting through

the past and out to the ocean, I arrived in Eureka where my two friends and their alternative lifestyle greeted me ever so stylistically. I stayed for 4 days and it was an extremely reviving experience after everything I had just gone through. Eli and I even filmed ourselves making live music on the Eureka shores. Yeah yeah, we had plenty of humble mutant festivities.

Not to mention there's a short ditty he once did, which mildly summed up how I felt about my project at that point. Eli was in an especially pessimistic mood when he did this one, and just bare in mind that his budget has always been a consumer-level camcorder with some minor editing software:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvKQ43fXi94

But here's one that always makes me crack up:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UHqbQ4Tcgm4

The Move:

Soon, expiring what time I had left on the trip, I reluctantly zig-zagged my way back towards So Cal, during which I experienced various dramas over the phone regarding my moving

situation. It turned out that, during the course of my trip, the pressure to move had now shifted from my aunt, to my cousin. Not only that, but the eviction turned out to be mostly her idea the whole time. This bewildered me (for some reason). I mean, everybody in my family knows that this specific cousin is nuts, but what had I done to her lately? other than problems we once had in our past, at the house? They were old conflicts that were bad at one time, but those were long since over, and I could have sworn we had been forming a close new friendship for years---somehow. At least, she acted that way. Silly me. So I called her to ask her about this and she acted very cold, repeating the motif that she was afraid of me. If that were the case, she definitely fooled me into thinking otherwise, for years, which turns out was the case.

Apparently, she had been holding a grudge from old conflicts the whole time, and was waiting for an opening to pounce and get some kind of revenge for them. I told her that this hurt, because I was trying to forget old abuses the same way that I thought she was. She wasn't. And

after I told her that what hurt the most was how, in the end, I was trying to forget the past and just love her, she coldly responded with "So what day are you going to be out by?" I definitely felt like the King Of Fools at that moment, but that's okay, because it's not the first time, or the worst time, I've been betrayed by someone. Also, it took this person showing her dishonesty for me to finally realize my own; I was living next to her for years in that house, and lying to myself about being content with it. It was a great house and work space, but I was never truly at peace sharing it with someone like her, whether or not I was trying to salvage our friendship. My cousin was, essentially, a cat lady, and sanity was a tricky thing in that environment. When I had first arrived at the house ten years ago, I was in a slump and a major life transition. My cousin and her house were supposed to be temporary, but things got worse before they got better. They did get much better, but I still managed to put myself in a trance trying hard to avoid having to relocate my entire studio. I didn't even realize how unhappy I was there, and for years this seriously effected my productivity, beyond my awareness.

So now, basically, I've moved out! :) My friend Darrin and my friend James helped me tramendously during this uneasy shift. Considering how nostalgic I get sometimes, the move was hard, and it forced me to look at huge chunks of my life that went long neglected, but just being able to look at them has allowed me the clarity and control required to start redeeming them, almost with ease. It's been a slow process over roughly a month and, somehow, the sensation that this was a blessing in disguise is overwhelming. It's so great to be away from oppressive vibes like that, and to be living among the living again. I am now renting out a killer office where my studio and my label are based, and it's part of a community of fellow film makers. Outside of

that, I'm basically living in three places at the moment: my father's house, because he's one of my best friends and has more room than he knows what to do with; Lisa's apartment, which I was practically living in already; and my friend and fellow musician Jim Goetch at his condo. Also, most likely, there will be many trips and travels I can take, for years to come, given the new mobility that technology allows with the "modern studio." It may sound funny, but it's the Gospel to me. I guess one can even say I now live EVERYWHERE, MAN. EVEN IN YOUR MIND, BRO.

But seriously, aside from a great new mobile life, I will definitely be spending most of my time buried with work in my new office/studio many months to come, so if you continue to have a hard time reaching me, that will probably be why. Pardon me in advance. ;)~

In light of all of this, I don't know if you remember, but I was actually scheduled to take one more trip this year so I can finish recording and shooting at the rest of my Southwest locations. Well, because of everything that's happened recently, I'm now a month and a half late for that. Big surprise. Although, I will be on my way practically the moment I finish these last few sentences.

I'll be gone for a month and will try to create a few rough/short blog entries while on the road. My first stop will be a week-long project I'll be doing on the Navaho Rez, where native flute player D'Von Charley and I will be taking off with some friends throughout Canyon De Chelly to produce the first full-length ambient music CD recorded throughout the canyon, from start to finish. This may even be some kind of separate short film when all

is said and done. We'll see. In the meantime, the priority will be the music.

Also, obviously I have not had time to edit or produce many video-clip segments from locations that I've done all year - spanning everywhere from the Southwest to the Sierras to the Cascade trip I just took. When I return from this next Southwest trip, hopefully I will find time to edit some of those, sooner than later, and post them online. Most of that footage is really great, and I know much of it won't make it to any big film or project, so the short films/segments will be key for that stuff to be seen at all. I'll keep you updated on their progress, from this trip into the future.

See you at the canyon rim,

Dean